Minions
Welcome to Minions! “Bello! Poopaye!” You’re not the hero. You’re not even the sidekick. You’re a Minion – one of the greatest Villian of all time’s loyal (mostly), off-colored and spectacularly chaotic little helpers.
In this game, you’ll embark on missions of dubious morality and even more dubious execution, all for glory! From stealing the moon (or a slightly less important artifact) to orchestrating the perfect heist for a banana, expect your attempts to fulfill the boss’s bizarre directives to go gloriously, hilariously wrong. Your best tools are often sheer numerical superiority, an inexplicable love for bananas, and the unwavering (if misguided) belief in your own capabilities.
Get ready for some adventures. Embrace glorious failure, unleash delightful mayhem, and perhaps, just perhaps, accidentally succeed at something truly ridiculous. Your “bana-na”-filled adventure begins now!
Character Roles
Your role represents your knowledge and training.
1. The Brains
The supposed strategist of the group, you’ve devoured more than a few ‘how-to’ guides and occasionally remember a critical (and often incorrect) fact. Your plans are elaborate, if not entirely coherent, and rarely survive first contact with reality.
2. The Brawn
Your muscles are… present. You excel at brute force tasks, provided the force required is roughly equivalent to opening a stubbornly sealed jar, or perhaps pushing something moderately heavy off a very low ledge.
3. The Personality
A master of charisma and disguise (in your own mind), you believe your charm and dazzling smile can get you out of any sticky situation. Or, more frequently, into one that’s even stickier.
4. The Techie
You’re convinced you’re a digital wizard, fluent in the arcane language of 1s and 0s, having learned everything from questionable online tutorials and Hollywood blockbusters. Most gadgets you touch either spark impressively or cease to function entirely.
5. The Burglar
With fingers that possess an uncanny stickiness (often due to some kind of food residue), you’re the go-to for delicate infiltration, provided ‘delicate’ means ‘clumsily leaving a trail of crumbs and occasionally getting stuck in tight spaces’.
6. The Operator
You have an innate (and often destructive) talent for operating anything with an engine – cars, forklifts, even unicycles. You can certainly make it go, but precision control and stopping smoothly remain distant, often explosive, dreams.
